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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27601291">I (don't) regret that it came to this</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonOwl/pseuds/MoonOwl'>MoonOwl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(it's more like a Jewish Deli AU), (sort of), Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops &amp; Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Canon Disabled Character, Canon Universe, Domestic, Eruri Week, Eruri Week 2020, Ghosts, High School AU, Hurt/Comfort, Jewish Character, M/M, Pillow Talk, Pre-Chapter 82, Sickfic, Teacher AU, Teacher Erwin Smith, Teacher Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Trans Male Character, Twitter, but it's like Diet Angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:02:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,973</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27601291</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonOwl/pseuds/MoonOwl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Eruri Week 2020.</p><p>1. Boyfriend Jacket: He was his opposite in nearly every way, and it made Levi ache if he thought about it for more than a second.<br/>2. Quarantine: Levi gave him a look. “Don’t be so confident. The flu is far deadlier than most imagine, especially for those with advanced age.”<br/>3. Teenage Years: The Boy. Levi’s favorite customer. Levi didn’t know his name. He was just The Boy.<br/>4. Scars: Erwin and Levi, through a series of scars, new and old.<br/>5. After Life: “Good to know that you’ll respect someone else's marriage enough to not try to sensually make pottery with her.”<br/>6. "Levi, thank you": “I’m not thanking you for your work or your sacrifices,” Erwin’s eyes glisten in the low light provided by the light of the candlestick on the nightstand. “Thank you for being with me.”<br/>7. Liege: “It does, in a way,” he responds. “You don’t lose friends over stupid stuff. You figure out which bonds are the strongest, and who your real friends are.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi/Erwin Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>136</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Boyfriend Jacket</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Love and hate were not too far apart, Levi thought to himself as Erwin hooked his leg in between his own.</p><p>Erwin smiled at him as Levi looked up from his studies. Levi rolled his eyes and turned his attention back down to his abnormal psychology textbook. He wasn't one for public displays of affection the way Erwin was, but he didn’t move his legs away either. Erwin’s nearly finished latte and Levi’s emptied tea cup -- purchased from the library cafe on Erwin’s dime -- sat beside their pens and paper as the pair studied. Erwin had an economics paper due the following week, Levi had a psych midterm. A late Saturday afternoon in the campus library wasn’t normally where one would find two young men, but Levi literally couldn’t afford a dip in his grades, and Erwin had always been the studious kind.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Day 1, Boyfriend Jacket. </p><p>**Content warning: mentions of gender dysphoria**</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Love and hate were not too far apart, Levi thought to himself as Erwin hooked his leg in between his own. </p><p>Erwin smiled at him as Levi looked up from his studies. Levi rolled his eyes and turned his attention back down to his abnormal psychology textbook. He wasn't one for public displays of affection the way Erwin was, but he didn’t move his legs away either. Erwin’s nearly finished latte and Levi’s emptied tea cup -- purchased from the library cafe on Erwin’s dime -- sat beside their pens and paper as the pair studied. Erwin had an economics paper due the following week, Levi had a psych midterm. A late Saturday afternoon in the campus library wasn’t normally where one would find two young men, but Levi literally couldn’t afford a dip in his grades, and Erwin had always been the studious kind.    </p><p>Erwin’s studiousness was actually the first thing Levi learned about him. They shared an introductory statistics course their freshman year. He was always asking questions in class, unashamed to admit not knowing what a regression analysis meant or what a z-score was at first glance. He still always got high marks, probably because he was so persistent in asking questions. It was that perceived perfectionism that made Levi hate Erwin at first. By God, did he truly, genuinely, hate him. Probably had a lawyer for a dad, probably thought that poor people could just buy more money, or so Levi thought. It turned out, as Levi would later learn, Erwin wasn’t a rich WASP. His dad was a teacher, his mom a nurse. He was from a small town in South Dakota, grew up in a regular house with parents driving regular cars. He had more than Levi did growing up, but so did most people. Erwin was never unkind about it, either. His kindness made Levi hate him even more.   </p><p>Despite the glares Levi would shoot him during class, Erwin had asked him out towards the end of that first semester. Levi agreed. He had to admit, the boy was gorgeous. He had assumed that Erwin was just putting on niceties, and that they would just hook up once or twice. Almost two years down the line, they were still together. </p><p>Even after all that time, Levi still didn’t understand Erwin. He was his opposite in nearly every way, and it made Levi ache if he thought about it for more than a second. Erwin was 6 foot 2, square jawed, broad shouldered, and devastatingly handsome. Yellow blond hair, eyes that were too blue. He was the all-American boy people wrote novels, songs, and movies about. No one had ever called him “she” by accident, Levi thought. Erwin didn’t have to give himself shots of hormones every two weeks just to feel at home in his body or save up for surgeries. He didn't deal with the reality of struggling to hide breasts and hips under his clothes, but instead he looked at Levi's body with the utmost adoration. Erwin wasn’t a mess of diagnoses from bipolar to OCD to insomnia. Life birthed Erwin Smith on a pedestal and somehow he still reached down to pull Levi up from the crowd to join him. </p><p>“You nearly done?” Erwin asked him, removing Levi from his spiraling thought process. “I’m finished making my outline.”</p><p>Levi shrugged. “Yeah, let me just finish this section.” </p><p>Erwin gathered his things, placing his laptop and notebook into his backpack. He threw away their empty paper cups and met Levi back at their table just as he closed his book. </p><p>“Ready, babe?” Erwin smiled. That was another thing that made Levi roll his eyes. Erwin liked pet names. Levi wasn’t the type. He never protested much when Erwin called him them.</p><p>The last few leaves of the season were still hanging off the branches of the campus’ trees. Mid-autumn in Minnesota was cold, but not as cold as the winter months ahead. Levi always tried to tough it out with the fall weather, almost as if to prepare himself for the impending freeze. He shivered under his sweater and thin denim pants. </p><p>As they made their way across the campus green and toward Erwin's dorm, he caught Levi’s hand in his. “Do you want my jacket?” he asked after a moment. Erwin looked over at him with a smile.</p><p>Levi had a tendency to always be cold while Erwin ran hot, but Erwin was always prepared with a jacket or hoodie on him. Levi wondered if carried around the extra layer just for him; he knew Erwin liked seeing him in his clothes. </p><p>“I’m fine,” Levi responded. “Besides, we’re almost there.”</p><p>Erwin squeezed his hand tighter. </p><p>They reached Erwin’s residence hall. He gave their student IDs to the student desk attendant, and they headed up to Erwin’s single on the third floor. </p><p>Erwin plopped his bag and jacket on his bed. Levi hung his messenger bag on the hook nailed to Erwin’s door. </p><p>“Mike texted me about a party off campus tonight,” Erwin said as he sat up on his bed and opened his laptop. “Nanaba’s going, and so are Hange and Petra. You wanna go?”</p><p>Levi joined him on the bed. “I’ll think about it. I barely slept last night,” he replied. Not that he’d probably get to sleep any better that night either. He knew he’d probably end up going.</p><p>“No pressure,” Erwin said, with one of his toothpaste commercial quality smiles. “But I do like getting any chance to show you off.”  </p><p>“You’re such a fucking whore,” Levi smirked, and Erwin laughed at that. He grabbed Erwin’s discarded jacket off of the bed. He folded it up and placed it in his lap.</p><p>Erwin opened up a streaming site and selected a mid-2000s indie flick he and Levi had already seen together a million times over. Levi placed the folded up jacket on Erwin’s lap and laid his head down on it. In most circumstances, Levi would never press his face to an outdoor item while sitting on bedsheets, but the fleece of the jacket was soft and it smelled of Erwin. </p><p>Erwin laced his fingers into Levi’s hair, occasionally rubbing his thumb over the shaved underside of his haircut. Erwin would make his commentary -- he never could shut up during movies -- and Levi would occasionally retort or give an absentminded affirmative hum. Levi would fiddle with the hem of his sleeves. Erwin never let his hand leave Levi’s hair. </p><p>30 minutes in, Levi felt his chest reach an uncomfortable tightness. He adjusted his position and sat up. “Hey, I’m just gonna take off my binder.” </p><p>Erwin paused their movie and rubbed his back. “Do you want me to turn away?” </p><p>Levi looked at him. “You’ve seen my tits plenty of times before.” </p><p>“Yeah, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” </p><p>Levi paused for a moment. “Alright, yeah. Turn around.” </p><p>Erwin looked away and closed his eyes for good measure. Levi shed his sweater and slid his hands under the nylon and spandex fabric that cut off at his midsection. He pulled the fabric over his head and snaked his arms out of the tight fabric. He twisted his body at the waist to stretch and coughed a few times to make sure his lungs and ribs were still functioning. After folding up the binder, he pulled the baggy sweater back over his body. He turned back to look at Erwin, who still had his eyes closed and head turned away. “I’m good,” he told him. </p><p>Erwin opened his eyes and extended his arm out, signaling for Levi to lie against him. Erwin’s closed mouth smile beamed at Levi. </p><p>“What are you smiling about?” Levi asked as he leaned against his boyfriend. </p><p>“You,” he said as his smile grew wider. “I’m just thinking about you. How lucky I am.”</p><p>Levi rolled his eyes, but still nuzzled closer to him. “You’re so fucking gay.” </p><p>Erwin laughed at that. “I’d hope so, that’s kind of the point in having a boyfriend,” Erwin kissed the top of his head. “Having a really good looking, really strong boyfriend at that.” </p><p>Levi was glad Erwin couldn’t see him blush from that angle. He grabbed the jacket again and held it close to his chest as if it were a throw pillow rather than a fleece zip-up. </p><p>"No, but seriously," Erwin continued. "I'm so lucky, I can't believe you're my boyfriend. God, I had such a huge crush on you freshman year. You just seemed so cool to me," Erwin laughed a little. "I know you're a giant dork now, but, Jesus, you were intimidating. I'd see you run laps in the morning at the track, or I'd see you at the gym, and I was amazed at how you could move your body. You were like this Greek god that decided to enroll in college. Mike kept bugging me to ask you out, and when I finally did, I was shocked you said yes. I still can't believe you said yes." </p><p>"God, you're the huge fucking dork," Levi said as he buried his face into the crook of Erwin's shoulder. </p><p>"Hey, we're both huge fucking dorks in this relationship," Erwin said, pressing another kiss into Levi's hair. </p><p>As the comfortable repetition of the movie droned on, Levi felt his tired eyes give way to the sleepiness that had plagued him all day. As his breathing slowed, his weariness drained any alertness he had. In the warm hominess of Erwin’s embrace, he let himself surrender to that sleep that so often alluded him. As he faded into the unknown space between semi-awake and beginning to dream, he felt his lip mumble something.</p><p>“I love you too,” he heard Erwin say before he finally nodded off.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Quarantine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Erwin placed his hands on the mug, over Levi’s. He lifted it closer to his lips, with Levi’s hands still holding on. The cup reached his lips, and he took several slow sips. Levi’s eyes watched his mouth intently. </p>
<p>When he finished, Levi carefully placed the empty cup on the nightstand by Erwin’s bedside. Levi sighed out of his nose, the sound muffled by the handkerchief he was wearing. “I’d ask you to remind me to refill that before I leave, but I doubt you’re thinking clearly.”</p>
<p>“I’m alright,” Erwin smiled. “I’m doing fairly fine.”</p>
<p>“I was calling you old, again, not sick.” Levi said.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Day 2, Quarantine. Canon universe, sick fic, featuring a sick Erwin and a caretaker Levi.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I.</p>
<p>“Levi?”</p>
<p>“Hold your excitement,” Levi quipped in response. He had carried a bottle of cleaning solution and a series of rags with him into the room. His hair was kept back in a handkerchief, and he wore another on the lower half of his face. He smelled faintly of citrus and vinegar, a fierce but not unpleasant combination that Erwin could still smell through his congestion. </p>
<p>“My apologies for reacting so strangely,” Erwin said as Levi approached his bed. “I assumed that someone from the medical staff would be coming in.” </p>
<p>Levi grabbed a wooden chair and placed it to the side of Erwin’s bed. “They’ve got enough people to take care of right now,” he said, threading his fingers into a pair of gloves. “They figured I’m the only one neurotic enough to not carry any germs from your room back outside with me.” </p>
<p>“It’s just a bout of influenza anyways,” Erwin smiled weakly. </p>
<p>Levi gave him a look. “Don’t be so confident. The flu is far deadlier than most imagine, especially for those with advanced age.”</p>
<p>Erwin tried to laugh at that, but his chuckles turned into coughs fairly quickly. Levi flinched at the fit and placed a gloved hand on the bed. “I’ll go get you some water,” he said before Erwin could even protest.</p>
<p>Erwin watched as Levi walked over to the basin in the corner of the room. He grabbed a mug from a shelf and held it over the basin. He poured water from the pitcher into the mug, grabbed a spare cloth handkerchief, and cautiously walked back over to Erwin’s bedside. He handed Erwin the mug with two hands, carefully holding it close to his face. </p>
<p>Erwin placed his hands on the mug, over Levi’s. He lifted it closer to his lips, with Levi’s hands still holding on. The cup reached his lips, and he took several slow sips. Levi’s eyes watched his mouth intently. </p>
<p>When he finished, Levi carefully placed the empty cup on the nightstand by Erwin’s bedside. Levi sighed out of his nose, the sound muffled by the handkerchief he was wearing. “I’d ask you to remind me to refill that before I leave, but I doubt you’re thinking clearly.”</p>
<p>“I’m alright,” Erwin smiled. “I’m doing fairly fine.”</p>
<p>“I was calling you old, again, not sick.” Levi said. </p>
<p>Although Erwin couldn’t see his lips, he could tell from the corners of Levi’s eyes that he was smirking. As Erwin continued to look at Levi’s eyes, he watched them fall slowly. “You are sick though. You need to keep hydrated and rest,” Levi told him quietly, after a moment. </p>
<p>Erwin allowed himself to close his eyes and lean back against the pillows of his bed. “I should be alright in a few days' time,” he said, before taking in a deep inhale through his nose. “But thank you for taking care of me, Levi.” </p>
<p>“It’s in everyone’s best interest if I do,” Levi replied. “We can’t have this flu spread around anymore than it already has among the Corps members. Besides, who would we be without you?”</p>
<p>Erwin almost said <i>you’ll have to consider that reality may happen someday</i>, but he decided against it. He didn’t want to put any more stress on Levi’s mind. </p>
<p>“Have you had anything to eat today?” Levi asked him. “As much as I don’t want to clean up if you shit the bed, it would be bad for the Corps if you starved.” </p>
<p>“I had a cup of tea this morning instead of my usual coffee.”</p>
<p>“Erwin, that’s not a meal,” Levi chastised. “I’ll go get you some soup. Get some rest. I’ll be back later.” </p>
<p>Levi got up, mug in hand, and filled it up once more with the pitcher. He placed the mug back down on the nightstand before making his way to the door. “Get some rest, I mean it,” he told Erwin before exiting. </p>
<p>II. </p>
<p>Levi returned a few hours later, his hair and face covered in different colored handkerchiefs this time, and with a bowl of soup, like he promised. “I hope you took my advice and slept, instead of doing paperwork.” </p>
<p>Levi placed the bowl on the nightstand before opening the drawer. He looked inside and saw folders of documents and gave Erwin a look. </p>
<p>Erwin stretched his shoulder blades and sat up in the bed. “I swear, I spent this entire time sleeping and not working,” he said after taking in a tired inhale. </p>
<p>Levi looked at him suspiciously and placed the bowl on the nightstand. “You better have. Otherwise I’m going to search every drawer and shelf in this room and take anything that even resembles work.” He sat down in the chair beside Erwin’s bed and handed him yet another handkerchief from his pocket. “I’m not spoon feeding you, by the way.” </p>
<p>“I wouldn’t dare to ask,” Erwin told him. “You’ve already done enough.” </p>
<p>Levi stood up from his seat. “Move your ass over,” he gestured to the bed. “I won’t feed you, but I’ll hold the bowl. I don’t want you spilling on the bed.” </p>
<p>Erwin did as he was told and moved over to make space on the bed for his companion. Levi sat down, reached over to the nightstand, and grabbed the bowl back. He handed the spoon to Erwin and held the bowl out, close to Erwin’s chest. </p>
<p>Erwin dipped the spoon cautiously into the bowl. He brought the filled spoon close to his lips, wavering for a moment to feel the heat radiating from the liquid. The broth was clear, but smelled of mild spices and familiar scents. It was the kind of soup that Erwin would have on a cold winter day as a child. He finally took his first sip, tasting the blend of chicken stock and reduced vegetables with hints of thyme and rosemary. “It’s good,” he said, after taking a moment to fully enjoy the taste. “This is extraordinarily good for the mess hall.”</p>
<p>“That’s probably because I made it.” </p>
<p>“You made me soup?” </p>
<p>“It’s no big deal,” Levi remarked. “It’s not a difficult recipe.” He continued to hold out the bowl, letting Erwin take another sip. “I do feel like I’m your mother lately,” Levi said, studying Erwin’s face as he ate. “A mother to a dumb, overgrown baby.”</p>
<p>“Even when I’m sick, you won’t give me a rest.”</p>
<p>“Of course not. If I’m too soft on you, you’ll grow weak.”  </p>
<p>Erwin laughed at that, coughing a little at the end of it. Luckily for them both, here was no soup left in his mouth. </p>
<p>Levi grabbed the handkerchief from Erwin’s lap and brought it up to his lips. “Besides, with those eyebrows,” Levi continued. “You do have a face only a mother could love,” </p>
<p>“Oh, Levi, you wound me,” Erwin joked back.  </p>
<p>Levi exhaled sharply out of his nose and smirked at him. “Quit your dramatics, you know I think you’re very handsome.”</p>
<p>Erwin blinked and smiled a small smile at that. “I don’t think I knew that.”</p>
<p>Levi looked away briefly. “Come on, you know everyone thinks you’re handsome.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t aware of that either.”</p>
<p>“You’re either being overly modest, fishing for compliments, or being incredibly dumb,” Levi told him. “I’m guessing you’re being a combination of the last two options.” </p>
<p>Erwin took another spoonful. There was a comfortable silence between them. It was nice, Erwin thought. He and Levi didn’t need to be constantly chatting to feel at peace with one another's company. Yet, after a moment, a thought crossed his mind and he still felt the urge to share it with Levi, breaking their comfortable quiet. </p>
<p>“Do you think you would have wanted children?” he asked Levi.</p>
<p>He heard Levi take a deep breath. “I try not to think about that.”</p>
<p>Erwin swallowed and exhaled. “I would have liked to have been a father.”</p>
<p>“Well, there’s no sense talking about what you would have liked now,” Levi said, and Erwin wished he could see the shape of his mouth from underneath the handkerchief. </p>
<p>“I think you would have made a good father,” Erwin said, placing his free hand on Levi’s knee.</p>
<p>Levi didn’t respond. He just kept holding the bowl and let Erwin keep his hand there. </p>
<p>III.</p>
<p>Erwin felt his heart racing and his head burning. His skin felt clammy and his lungs shallow. His eyes opened to see his bedroom dimly lit by a candle burning on top of the nightstand. He was accustomed to nightmares, but this one was different. This wasn’t a dream of Titans or the faces of soldiers lost. He dreamed of Levi this time. He dreamed of Levi being fine one moment, smiling uncharacteristically wide, open mouth smiles at him. Of Levi pressing kisses to him, to his cheek, his forehead, his lips, and his abdomen. But in this dream, a moment later, Levi would be gone, vanished into thin air, and in his place there would be a pool of blood soaking the bed. </p>
<p>Still laying down, Erwin looked over his right shoulder. His eyes traveled down to see his right arm extended and lying on the bed, with a hand holding it. It was a gloved hand, smaller than his. Blinking in the groggy haze and the low, orange light of the candle, he realized it was Levi holding his hand. </p>
<p>Levi didn’t seem to notice that he had woken. His eyes were focused on the book he had in his lap. He must have been used to the fitful breathing and motions of Erwin’s sleep. </p>
<p>Erwin took one last look at Levi, closed his eyes, and relaxed into the comfort of the bed and the embrace of Levi's hand. </p>
<p>IV.</p>
<p>“Your fever seems to have broken,” Levi said as he pressed a gloved palm to Erwin’s forehead. He moved his palm away but let his hand linger in the air, close to him. Gently, he brushed a few strands of Erwin’s bangs that had fallen out of place. His fingers tucked the locks back to neatly lay in line with the part of his hair. Levi’s fingers slowly traveled behind the curve of Erwin’s ear. His thumb and index finger in particular lightly caressed the space where his jaw and neck met. Levi stood there, beside Erwin for a moment, before snapping back to reality. He quickly began to clean the room.   </p>
<p>Erwin still felt tired, but his condition had significantly improved. The sunlight pouring through the windows didn’t trigger a headache and his breathing seemed steadier that morning. He still kept his head relaxed against the pillow as he watched Levi clean the surfaces of his furniture with his cleaning solution. </p>
<p>“You’re not so bad to have as company,” Erwin told him. </p>
<p>“I’m glad you think so,” Levi said, not turning away from his process. “I only work for you because you made me.”</p>
<p>“You work with me, not for me.”</p>
<p>“I guess, I don’t need to call you ‘Commander’ then, huh?”</p>
<p>“When do you ever call me that?” </p>
<p>Levi turned away from his cleaning and looked over at Erwin. Erwin could see that twinkle in his eyes and the raised curves of his cheeks, indicating a smile underneath that handkerchief. “I joined the Corps for you, shouldn’t that be enough?” He walked over to a bookcase, scrubbing at the outside edges. </p>
<p>“It will be nice to see you without the handkerchief soon,” Erwin said. He looked over at Levi busying himself with the organization of his things. “I miss seeing your expressions.” </p>
<p>“Now you’re making me think that fever must be coming back.” </p>
<p>“I can assure you, it isn’t,” Erwin replied. “I’m thinking very clearly right now.” </p>
<p>Levi turned back to him. He shrugged his shoulders and relaxed his stance. “Well, too bad, you’ll have to wait a few more days,” he responded. “You’ll have to be symptom free for certain before you can leave the room and see me without the handkerchief.” </p>
<p>“The waiting won’t kill me.” </p>
<p>“It better not.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Teenage Years</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sure, there were cranky old customers with finicky instructions, and occasionally he’d get a weird look from someone who couldn’t tell if he was a boy, but he would have gotten that at any part time job. The people who recognized him from temple tended to be pretty good customers, even if some of the women his mom was friendly with were a little too chatty with the small talk. </p>
<p>There was also him. The Boy. Levi’s favorite customer. </p>
<p>Levi didn’t know his name. He was just The Boy. The Boy came in every Monday and Thursday around 3:30pm. He’d order an iced coffee, two sugars, extra cream and two cinnamon and walnut rugelach cookies. He’d sit down at one of the small booths made for two people, and do his homework. He always wore a collared shirt, usually light blue or white, with khaki slacks. Levi assumed he went to one of the Jewish day schools in the area, but he never wore a kippah. He probably wasn’t too observant himself, Levi thought, seeing as he usually ordered a Reuben sandwich around 5pm.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Teenage Years, featuring a "coffee shop AU," except it's a Jewish Deli. </p>
<p>More Trans!Levi, and there are some references to misgendering and heteronormativity in this chapter, so please keep that in mind before reading.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Levi’s job involved three main things: being polite, taking orders from strangers, and smiling, all of which were three things he was not good at. </p>
<p>Fritz’s Delicatessen was, by all accounts, a pretty okay place to work after school and on weekends. The owner, Ms. Fritz, talked a little too much about her divorce to Levi, but she never called him by the legal name on his I-9, and even told him a few times that Levi was one of her favorite names. Her young son was exceedingly annoying, but he was only 8-years old, so Levi couldn’t hate him too much, even if he was always hanging around. </p>
<p>Sure, there were cranky old customers with finicky instructions, and occasionally he’d get a weird look from someone who couldn’t tell if he was a boy, but he would have gotten that at any part time job. The people who recognized him from temple tended to be pretty good customers, even if some of the women his mom was friendly with were a little too chatty with the small talk. </p>
<p>There was also him. The Boy. Levi’s favorite customer. </p>
<p>Levi didn’t know his name. He was just The Boy. The Boy came in every Monday and Thursday around 3:30pm. He’d order an iced coffee, two sugars, extra cream and two cinnamon and walnut rugelach cookies. He’d sit down at one of the small booths made for just two people and do his homework. He always wore a collared shirt, usually light blue or white, with khaki slacks. Levi assumed he went to one of the Jewish day schools in the area, but he never wore a kippah. He probably just wasn’t too observant personally, Levi thought, seeing as he usually ordered a Reuben sandwich around 5pm. </p>
<p>He was also incredibly handsome. He had to be over 6 feet tall, was well built, and had classical features. His golden hair and bright blue eyes could make anyone swoon, regardless of orientation. If he didn’t always wear what looked like an outfit coordinated by a school-mandated dress code, Levi would have assumed he was a college student rather than a high schooler. He was also incredibly polite, always said his “please’s” and “thank you’s” with a million dollar smile that melted Levi’s normally cold heart. He always put a dollar or two into the tip jar, which was more than spare change most people gave. He’d ask Levi how he was doing, and it felt genuine, unlike the force of habit small talk others would make. </p>
<p>Levi had a crush on a boy whose name he didn’t know. So what? He was a 16-year-old boy. Outside of school and part time gigs, developing crushes on random people was practically the job of most teens. </p>
<p>On a dreary Saturday, just before noon, Levi watched as his uncle enter the deli’s door in his police officer’s uniform. Close behind him trailed his “roommate” and “friend” as his Zayde would call him, Uri. He ordered two hot coffees, one black, one with cream, and two bagels with lox. Levi rang him up and gave him his total.</p>
<p>“What about the employee discount?” Kenny protested, as he got out his wallet. </p>
<p>“The discount is for immediate family only,” Levi said, extending his hand out for the payment. “You’re a cop. Shouldn't you be all about following the rules?"</p>
<p>“Hey, when it comes to playing good cop/bad cop, you know where I lie,” he said while handing Levi a $20. </p>
<p>“The fact that they let you be a cop is criminal,” Levi said as he handed him back his change. “Oh, and hi, Mr. Reiss,” Levi said with a small wave to his uncle’s companion. </p>
<p>Uri smiled apologetically at Levi. “Oh, just call me Uri,” he told him as he placed an affectionate pat on Kenny’s arm. “I’ve been with your uncle since before you were born.” </p>
<p>“Say, is that boy your mom says you’re in love with around here somewhere?” Kenny said as he began to look around the deli. </p>
<p>“Jesus, Kenny,” Levi hissed. “Keep it down!” He made a mental note to maybe not tell his mom everything. </p>
<p>“You know I’m just messing with you,” Kenny reached out and ruffled Levi’s hair. “Stay out of trouble, kid.”</p>
<p>“That’s rich, coming from you,” Levi said as he handed him his coffees and bagels. </p>
<p>Around 30 minutes after Uncle Kenny left, The Boy came in with two other blond kids. One was a boy, even taller and older looking than him, and the other was a girl with a pixie cut and several inches on Levi. They were all casually dressed. The Boy was wearing a black hoodie with a red embroidery design of a knight. Levi didn’t think he had ever seen him in something without a collar. Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen him on any day besides a weekday before. </p>
<p>Levi watched the trio as the two newcomers intently studied the menu board above his head. He looked down at The Boy’s sweatshirt. The words “St. Rose High School” and “Debate Team” were embroidered above and below the figure of the knight. The Boy said something to his friends and approached the counter. “Hey,” he said, with one of those smiles Levi loved. “Can I get one Rueben, one Rachel, and a chicken schnitzel sandwich? All with fries, and uh, two iced teas, and one iced coffee?”</p>
<p>“Two sugars, extra cream on the iced coffee?”</p>
<p>He gave a slightly flustered smile and forced laugh. “Yep, that’s right.”  </p>
<p>He rang The Boy up, and told him his total. “Is that your school?” he asked, nodding toward his sweatshirt. </p>
<p>“Oh yeah, I go to St. Rose High.” </p>
<p>“You go to Catholic school?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Are you…Catholic?”</p>
<p>“Well, my family is,” he said, handing Levi his cash. “Is there something wrong with that?”</p>
<p>“No, it’s just, you come here a lot,” Levi told him. “It’s a Jewish deli. I just assumed you were also Jewish.” </p>
<p>He gave a nervous laugh with an apologetic tone. “Is it...wrong for me to be here?” </p>
<p>Levi shook his head no. “No, it’s just...ya know, different to see a goy come in here all the time, that’s all.” </p>
<p>“Goy?”</p>
<p>Levi smirked at that. “It means gentile in Yiddish.” </p>
<p>The Boy smiled back at him and waved goodbye before heading to the table he and his friends had claimed. </p>
<p>Levi kept busy behind the counter but made it a point to glance over at the trio when he could. He looked for any sign of The Boy flirting with the girl in his group. She was pretty and smiley, and laughed at everything both boys were saying. Maybe she just had a good sense of humor, Levi hoped, but of course, looking at The Boy, Levi wondered how anyone could not want him. </p>
<p>One of the kitchen crew members called Levi and handed him the trio’s order. He then in turn called out the order, and The Boy got up from his seat. He made his way over the counter, gave Levi one of those perfect grins and said thanks. As Levi handed him a tray of his items, he felt The Boy’s hand touch his own. Levi hated being touched 9 out of 10 times, but wished that second with The Boy had lasted longer. </p>
<p>The Boy sat back down with his friends and handed them each their sandwiches and sides. Levi felt a wave of relief crash into his body when he watched the taller boy put his arm around the girl and kiss her hair. </p>
<p>… </p>
<p>That next Monday, The Boy was there in his normal spot.</p>
<p>Petra was working that shift with Levi. They’d been friends since they were in the same Hebrew school class preparing for their B’nei Mitzvah, and she was one of the few people who could read him. Occasionally, she’d turn to Levi to give him a look and nod her head over in the direction of The Boy.</p>
<p>“I just think you should talk to him,” Petra whispered to him while she was filling a soda cup for a customer. “Get his number or something.”</p>
<p>“I can’t just flirt with a customer, that’s super fucking weird,” Levi told her. “Besides, I don’t even know if he likes guys.” </p>
<p>“I have a pretty good bi-dar.”</p>
<p>“Petra, you only think that because everyone in our friend group happens to be bi.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s why I picked you all! It’s because of the bi-dar!” </p>
<p>Levi rolled his eyes at that. His attention was diverted from Petra when he heard a voice from the direction of the register. </p>
<p>He turned around. It was The Boy. “Oh hey,” Levi said apologetically. “Sorry about that.”</p>
<p>“All good,” The Boy said. “Can I get a Rueben?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Levi said, starting to punch in the order to the register. “Did you want a side with that?”</p>
<p>“I think I’ll get the potato ‘nishes?”</p>
<p>“Ka-nishes,” Levi corrected. “You pronounce the ‘k.’” </p>
<p>The Boy looked away slightly and blushed, making him look more cute than flustered. “My bad.”</p>
<p>“I’m just being hard on you,” Levi told him. “I probably don’t know anything about you Catholics.” </p>
<p>The Boy took out his cash and handed it to Levi. “We could always teach each other sometime,” he said. “It’s funny, I’m always in here, and I always see you, but we don’t really know much about each other.” He waited a moment and continued. “When’s your break?”</p>
<p>Levi felt his heart stop. <i>Play it cool</i>, he said to himself. <i>This guy probably just wants to know what makes latkes different from other pancakes</i>. As cool as he possibly could, he looked over at Petra. </p>
<p>She gave him a thumbs up and big grin, barely hiding her excitement for him.  </p>
<p>“I can take my 15 minutes,” he told The Boy. </p>
<p>Levi washed his hands, told the kitchen crew he was taking 15, and grabbed himself an iced tea. He brought The Boy’s sandwich over with him and sat down in the booth opposite him.</p>
<p>“So, what do you want to know?” Levi asked, propping his chin up against a closed fist held up by his elbow. </p>
<p>The Boy shrugged. “Just about you, I guess,” he said. </p>
<p>Levi was surprised at that. He expected that The Boy just wanted him to give a Judaism 101 rundown. “Uh, well, I go to the public high school,” Levi said, biting his lower lip and thinking. “I’m 16, I’ll turn 17 next month on the 25th. Some people think it’s ironic that my birthday is on Christmas, but your boy JC was one of us, so I think it fits.” </p>
<p>The Boy nodded at that, taking a bite of his sandwich. He should have looked gross to Levi, but the dab of dressing that appeared below the right corner of his mouth looked endearing to him.</p>
<p>Levi handed him a napkin from the dispenser sitting against the wall. “My mom and I rescue cats, I spend most of my free time talking shit on twitter, and I work here,” he told him. “That’s basically it. Oh, and I’m not on my school’s debate team.” </p>
<p>The Boy held back a laugh at that last part. “I guess you noticed from my sweatshirt on Saturday. You rescue cats?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Levi responded. “My mom and I are huge cat people. We know people at the local shelter, and we’ll help raise feral kittens for them. We’ve got three adults of our own. They’re all little assholes, but that’s cats for you.” </p>
<p>“I’m a dog person, myself.”</p>
<p>“Gross,” Levi joked. “Get out of my deli.” </p>
<p>The Boy laughed at that. Levi liked his laugh. It was deep but not too loud. It was the kind of laughter that would bring a smile to anyone’s face and make them laugh along with him. </p>
<p>Levi pulled out his phone. His 15 minutes were almost up. “I gotta get back to the register,” he told The Boy. “You’ll have to tell me what possesses a person to willingly join a debate team next time.”</p>
<p>The Boy smiled and waved him off, and Levi hated the walk back to the counter.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>Levi’s Thursday afternoon hadn’t been going super well. His uncle -- one different from Kenny -- had stopped in with his wife and baby daughter. He had been living in Massachusetts since going to college and graduate school out there, but was taking an extended visit back home, hoping to eventually move his family back to Minnesota. Levi hadn’t seen him in a few years and had to awkwardly tell him that his name was now Levi and he was going by he/him pronouns. He and his wife were understanding and apologetic, but it was never a fun experience for Levi to come out in a public setting. </p>
<p>The Boy hadn’t come in yet either. Levi looked at the clock. It read 4PM. Normally, The Boy would be there by then. Not to mention, Zeke’s dad had an emergency at work and couldn’t take him after school, leaving him to hang around the deli. It was the icing on an apeshit cake, Levi thought. </p>
<p>“Do you like him?” Zeke asked, with his head leaning on the counter.</p>
<p>“Who?” Levi looked at him. “And get your chin off the counter, that’s gross.”</p>
<p>Zeke barely moved his head. “The boy who keeps coming in, the blond one.” </p>
<p>“No, I don’t,” Levi told him, feeling self-conscious at being perceived by a child. </p>
<p>“Hey, Levi!” Petra’s friendly voice rang out as she approached the counter for her shift. “Hey, is that cute guy here? The Catholic school boy?” </p>
<p>“Oh my God, Petra, shut up,” Levi hissed at her. </p>
<p>“Is that the blond guy?” Zeke looked up at Petra. “So, you do like him?!” </p>
<p>“Zeke, mind your business,” Levi told him. He looked over at Petra who was mouthing a “yes” to the boy. </p>
<p>Zeke walked off, probably to annoy someone else. Levi watched as he saw the boy settle on his uncle and his wife as his targets. His aunt, a social worker named Junko, held her young daughter in her lap and chatted pleasantly with the boy. She probably dealt with worse during her day job, Levi thought to himself. Plus, she probably liked kids more than he did. Maybe Zeke wasn’t all that bad after all. </p>
<p>His uncle Benjamin picked up the matzo ball soup and a plate of savory kugel he had ordered from the counter, and Levi turned his attention to another customer. As Levi was taking the woman’s order, he heard the front door open. His eyes lit up to see The Boy. Suddenly, his mood and entire day improved at the sight of him. He tried to pay attention to the customer in front of him as The Boy waved at him. </p>
<p>As Levi finished up with the customer, he overheard Zeke babble on about how he had a half brother the same age as the baby in front of him. He pointed his finger too close to the baby’s face, and the little girl, Mikasa, started screaming. She grabbed a fistful of the kugel in front of her with her pudgy, baby hand and threw it in his direction. Despite the baby’s strength in her throw, her aim was off. Instead of landing on Zeke, the mess of noodle casserole landed on The Boy’s shirt as he was passing by. </p>
<p>“Shit,” Levi muttered under his breath. He got out from behind the counter and approached The Boy. “Fuck, I’m so sorry,” he said to him.</p>
<p>“That’s a bad word, I’m gonna tell my mom!” Zeke squealed. </p>
<p>“You’re not gonna tell anyone anything,” Levi said, turning to Zeke. “Go behind the counter with Petra and don’t get into people’s faces.” </p>
<p>Zeke pouted, but did what he was told. Levi turned back to The Boy, and his aunt and uncle joined him in his apologies. “Come on, I’ll help you get cleaned up,” Levi said, and without thinking, took The Boy’s hand in his own. </p>
<p>He led him to a back corner of the restaurant and into the single use bathroom. Levi shut the door and began wetting paper towels in the sink. “I’m so sorry,” he said, apologizing again as he dabbed away at the mixture of sour cream and cottage cheese smeared against the boy’s shirt. </p>
<p>“It’s alright,” The Boy said, reaching out to gently touch the underside of Levi’s elbow. “Kids do stuff like that.”</p>
<p>“I feel responsible, somehow” Levi said. “That baby is my cousin and the annoying kid is the owner’s son. I should have been watching him better.”</p>
<p>“Hey, you weren’t the one throwing food,” The Boy said. As Levi continued to dab away at the mess, he noticed that the space between them was getting smaller and smaller. Eventually The Boy placed his hand on the small of Levi’s back. Levi looked up at him with widened eyes. “Oh, shit, uh,” The Boy said after a moment. “Sorry, that was weird.”</p>
<p>“No, it wasn’t,” Levi responded. “I mean, I’m the one who started putting his hands all over you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but, you were just trying to help,” The Boy said, and that adorable blush rose to his face. </p>
<p>Levi stopped blotting the napkins at him and looked away for a moment, hoping to hide the blush that was rising to his face as well. “Fuck, I just realized that, uh, on Monday, when I was telling you about my cats, I forgot to even tell you my name,” Levi took a breath. “It’s Levi. My name is Levi.” </p>
<p>The Boy smiled down at him, and pressed his hand firmer against Levi’s back. “Mine is Erwin, by the way. And I still need to tell you all about my debate team.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just a fun fact: a Reuben sandwich, despite being invented by Jewish-Americans and being a very popular menu item at Jewish Delis, is not kosher.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Scars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Over the course of that first year together, Erwin realizes that Levi’s problems go deeper than his skin. The first time he’s over in Levi’s dorm room, he notices that everything is in perfect order. He has a single room, which is almost unheard of for first year students. Not a notebook or pencil is out of place, with very little decorations hanging on his walls. Twin orange pill bottles sit on his tidy desk. Erwin notices that Levi occasionally gets quiet, bites his lower lip, and furrows his burrow. Levi doesn’t say anything, but Erwin can tell that Levi’s thoughts spiral when he does that.</p><p>Levi can be quiet, but he’s anything but shy. For all of his ruminating thoughts and covered up marks, he’s brash and rude in public, and eager and wanting in private. “Better to be honest,” Levi tells him one night. “Don’t keep people wondering what you really think.” Levi always lets him know what he wants, and he always wants Erwin to tell him in return.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was supposed to be posted last night, but I decided to watch the finale of a shitty paranormal show I have not kept up with in years, because I hate myself ♥</p><p>Content warning: non-graphic depictions of sexuality.<br/>Trigger warnings for: self harm (including dermatillomania and trichotillomania), surgical scars, (vague) descriptions of gender dysphoria, cancer, gunshots, and other medical trauma.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I.</p><p>When Erwin first meets Levi, he notices the scars on his arms. </p><p>They’re sitting in their math class, freshmen year of college, when Erwin looks over at that beautiful boy next to him. He stares at the board in the front of the class, a pen in one hand, and his chin resting in the other. The shirt sleeve of the arm holding up his head droops down just enough to expose the upper half of his forearm. A series of light, purplish-pink grooves lie on the inner part of his arm like a ladder. </p><p>The boy must realize that Erwin is staring when he turns his head and adjusts his position to pull the hem of his sleeve up to hold it in his fist. </p><p>The boy -- named Levi, as Erwin learns -- is always dressed in dark, baggy sweaters and sweatshirts, with sleeves too long for his short frame. His clothes hide more than just his scars, as Erwin learns even further down the line. He doesn’t only have scars. When the close crop of his undercut gets too long, bald spots start to appear. By the end of the semester, when Erwin gets to take him to bed, he notices the red marks and scabs that cover his shoulders and thighs. </p><p>Over the course of that first year together, Erwin realizes that Levi’s problems go deeper than his skin. The first time he’s over in Levi’s dorm room, he notices that everything is in perfect order. He has a single room, which is almost unheard of for first year students. Not a notebook or pencil is out of place, with very little decorations hanging on his walls. Twin orange pill bottles sit on his tidy desk.  Erwin notices that Levi occasionally gets quiet, bites his lower lip, and furrows his burrow. Levi doesn’t say anything, but Erwin can tell that Levi’s thoughts spiral when he does that. </p><p>Levi can be quiet, but he’s anything but shy. For all of his ruminating thoughts and covered up marks, he’s brash and rude in public, and eager and wanting in private. “Better to be honest,” Levi tells him one night. “Don’t keep people wondering what you really think.” Levi always lets him know what he wants, and he always wants Erwin to tell him in return.</p><p>Despite Levi’s quest for honesty, Erwin keeps some of his curiosities to himself. He never asks Levi about the scars, the picked skin, or the bald spots. He knows nothing good would come out of him asking. Erwin googles hair pulling and skin picking on his own. One day, Levi casually mentions an OCD diagnosis. It all makes sense, at least in a clinical sense. Erwin still can’t understand why. Erwin has his own demons, like everyone does, but he can’t quite understand Levi’s. Levi looks ethereal to Erwin. His porcelain skin against dark, black hair and his tired sea-gray eyes against a youthful face made him look like something out of a Romantic era painting. Erwin can’t understand why he would take a knife to that canvas. </p><p>II. </p><p>They’re seniors in college when Levi comes back from summer break with a new pair of scars, twin incisions made just below his nipples.</p><p>Of course, Erwin visited him in the hospital, being the good boyfriend he is, but he hasn’t touched Levi like this since before his surgery. </p><p>Levi is more eager than usual, if such a thing is even possible. They’re kissing on Erwin’s bed when he grabs Erwin’s hands and places them under his shirt. Erwin takes the cue to slide his fingers up and down Levi’s sides. He breaks apart their kiss and places his fingers on the top button of Levi’s shirt. He presses the buttons through their holes as fast as he can. He’s seen and felt Levi topless before, but this is the most excited he’s been to see him unclothed since the first time they had sex together.  </p><p>Erwin tosses the shirt, and he realizes that this is the first time there is only layer he needs to remove from Levi, Levi grabs his hands and guides them again to run over his newly flat chest. Erwin feels the slow expansions of Levi’s diaphragm as he caresses his torso. Erwin’s eyes travel from Levi’s defined abdomen up to where his hands rest on his chest. </p><p>“I don’t have all of the sensation back yet, but I think I’m healing pretty well,” Levi says, looking down at Erwin’s hands.</p><p>Erwin removes his hands from Levi’s chest and places them against his cheeks. He kisses him, slowly and sweetly. “I’ve always thought you were perfect,” Erwin says after breaking their kiss and leaning his forehead to rest against Levi’s. “But I’m so happy that you finally get to feel perfect.”  </p><p>Levi leans back to lie down. He looks up at Erwin, his smile showing the crooked canines he loves. His silver Magen David sits on the right side of his chest, just below his collarbone, laid in a swirling pattern by the haphazard way its chain fell against him. He keeps his shoulders back, proud and showy of his chest like a bird in springtime. </p><p>Erwin bends over and kisses him. As he moves his tongue past Levi’s lips, he spreads his fingers across his chest and lies his palms flat against him. Levi’s hands reach up to cup his cheeks, bringing their bodies closer together. </p><p>III.</p><p>They have been staying with Levi’s mom for the past month, sleeping together on a pull out couch in the living room. Erwin has set up a desk area for his law school studies. It’s quiet and lonely most of the day. Levi is either at work or running errands for his mother. Kuchel spends a good portion of the day resting when Levi isn’t driving her to appointments. </p><p>He can’t focus on the argument he’s writing for class. He doesn’t want to leave the apartment -- what if Kuchel needs him? He’ll go wash his face, make a cup of tea, he decides. He puts the tea kettle on in the apartment's small kitchen before walking down the hallway to the bathroom. Just as he reaches his destination, he notices that the door to Kuchel’s room is ajar, uncharacteristic of her sleeping habits. Maybe it’s because his anxiety has been heightened by recent events, but Erwin cautiously approaches the door to check on her, keeping quiet in the event she's just sleeping. Slowly, he opens the door further. </p><p>The opened door reveals Kuchel standing up and looking into the full length mirror in the corner of her room. She holds the folded-up hem of her crew neck sweatshirt bearing the emblem of Erwin and Levi’s college to bare her stomach. Her free hand traces the five, freshly formed scars on her lower abdomen. Upon hearing the creek of the door, she turns her attention in its direction.</p><p>“Oh, uh,” Erwin stalls for a moment. “I’m so sorry, the door was open, and I just...got concerned, I guess.”</p><p>Kuchel gives a lively but light laugh at that. “Concerned about an open door?” she says to him with a smile. She gestures for him to come into the room. “Come here, have a seat. Tell me about your day.” </p><p>Erwin does as he’s told and sits down on the blue floral patterned quilt. </p><p>“It’s weird getting a few new scars,” she sighs, still standing in front of her mirror. “I keep looking at them. Maybe it’s vanity. Probably the same reason I still haven’t shaved my hair off.” </p><p>Erwin doesn’t know what to say. He’s always been complimented on his charm and way with words, but there are no easy instructions on what to say to the cancer stricken mother of one’s long term boyfriend. </p><p>Kuchel catches Erwin’s apologetic face as he searches for the right words. “Oh, I’ll be fine,” she says, sitting down on the bed’s edge slowly. “They caught it early enough. I know Levi worries though. He’s always been my little worrier. I think he’s taking the chemo harder than I am.” </p><p>Erwin looks at her, and smiles, albeit nervously. His nerves eventually calm a little with the motherly affection he feels by Kuchel’s presence. </p><p>“I really do appreciate everything you guys are doing for me,” she says, reaching out her hand to rub Erwin’s shoulder. “Not just Levi, but you too. It must be a lot to take of someone else’s mother while in law school.” </p><p>Erwin shakes his head at that and looks over at her. “You don’t have to thank me, it’s mostly been Levi. Plus, he’s doing this on top of still working at the hospital.” Erwin really studies her face for a moment. Levi really is the splitting image of his mother. Their button noses and hooded eyelids match. They both have the same heart shaped faces, with porcelain skin and straight, jet black hair. She's only 19 years older than him, but no one would mistake her for anyone but his mother. </p><p>“You’re a good kid,” she looks at him with the same tired, grey eyes that her son has. “I’m so glad my Levi ended up with you.” </p><p>“I’m pretty glad he decided to stick with me too,” Erwin gives a laugh. </p><p>“You’re gonna marry him right?” Kuchel asks him while grinning and beaming with pride.</p><p>Erwin laughs nervously at that. “Well, uh, that’s the plan,” he tells her. “Someday. Not now, but hopefully sooner than later.”</p><p>“I’m just saying, you’ll need to start planning if you want to find the right rabbi for the ceremony,” she says, half laughing. </p><p>Erwin smiles with her. He’s about to say something, but the whine of the kettle in the kitchen interrupts him. “Oh, I’ll go get that,” he says, standing up from the bed. “I was making tea, do you want any?”</p><p>She shakes her head. “The caffeine will dehydrate me. Besides, it gets so dark this time of year, and seeing the snow outside always makes me sleepy. I think I’ll just take another rest,” she says, adjusting her position on the bed. “But we’ll have to have another chat like this soon. I’ve got a lot of gossip from Levi’s childhood to fill you in on.” </p><p>Erwin wishes her a good rest, and gently closes the door. He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He reaches the kitchen, turns off the stove, and checks his phone.  </p><p>“I’m bringing home Thai food. I’m not cooking tonight, and I would rather die than eat anything you cook,” a text from Levi reads. </p><p>Within half an hour, Erwin’s tea cup is empty and Levi enters through the door, holding a take out bag in one hand. He looks more tired than usual, with red eyes accompanying his usual grey bags. He gives Erwin a quick hello before dropping the bag on the counter and heading to the bathroom for a quick shower. Within 5 minutes, he’s back in the living room area, hair wet and without his scrubs, dressed in an old sweatshirt of Erwin’s.</p><p>“Anything happen while I was at work?” he asks Erwin while pouring himself a glass of water. “And by that, I just mean, did anything happen with my mom?” </p><p>Erwin begins opening their take out boxes. “She was, uh,” he pauses for a moment to think about what to say. “She was good. We had a nice chat.” </p><p>Levi looks at him with a curious smile as Erwin hands him his order of pad Thai. “What did you and my mom talk about?”</p><p>“Nothing...big,” Erwin says, fluffing his own noodles with chopsticks. “She was just telling me that we better start looking for rabbis to marry us.”</p><p>Levi rolls his eyes and mouths “oh my God,” with a laugh. “I mean, that is, if we even want a rabbi there.”</p><p>“Oh, so you’re also thinking about a wedding?”</p><p>Levi points a finger at him and narrows his gaze. “If you weren’t so good to my mom, you’d be on thin fucking ice right now,” he says, and they both laugh. </p><p>VI.</p><p>“Fuck,” he says. “I’m a nurse, but Jesus Christ, I have no clue how to act right now.” </p><p>Erwin is tired, but he’s happy Levi is there. “Well, I don’t think in nursing school they teach you how to deal with your husband’s emergency amputation.”</p><p>Levi stops pacing and gives Erwin a look. “I guess not,” he says. “It’s just...<i>shit</i>. I feel like nothing is real right now.”  </p><p>Erwin smiles at him weakly. “How’s Lily?” </p><p>“She’s with my mom, so at least she’s being spoiled,” Levi tells him. “She knows. I told her that Papa got hurt, but I don’t think she really understands it,” Levi smiles a little. “She asked if you needed a band-aid.”  </p><p>Erwin laughs as much as his tired body can muster in that moment. “Oh, she’s a good kid,” Erwin says. “We’re so lucky.”</p><p>“Yeah, and she and I are lucky you’re alive,” Levi says, finally sitting down in the chair next to Erwin’s bed. </p><p>Erwin looks at him apologetically. “Levi, I’m -- ”</p><p>“Don’t apologize. I’m being dick, you’re the one who lost an arm,” Levi swallows and pauses. “I know you’re a ‘country boy’ at heart,” he takes a deep breath. “But Jesus fuck, that shit always scared me.” </p><p>“Well, this has probably put an end to my hunting hobby,” Erwin offers. </p><p>“I swear to God, if you ever try going hunting again, I will break your legs.”</p><p>“You could just break my left arm,” Erwin replies. “Might be easier.”</p><p>Before Levi can quip a response, his train of thought is interrupted by the buzz of his cell phone. He quickly checks it. “It’s my mom,” he says. He lets a sharp exhale out of his nose, halfway between a laugh and sigh. “Nothing big, Lily's just being cute. My mom wanted us to know that she asked if we should bring in the cats to see you.”</p><p>Erwin grins wide at that. “I think I’ll be okay without them here.”</p><p>“They could lick it and make it better.”</p><p>“I don’t think cat kisses can regrow limbs.”</p><p>Levi looks over at where Erwin’s arm used to be.“Well, you’ll probably get a real gnarly scar out of it,” he says. “That could be kind of hot. I could pretend my husband’s an action movie hero.”  </p><p>“You could also pretend your husband is the hot lawyer love interest in a rom-com, who just happens to be missing an arm.”</p><p>Levi looks at him with amusement and love. “Nah, I don’t have to pretend that.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Afterlife</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Levi reaches out and gently tugs on Erwin’s shirt, nudging him closer. He presses his lips against Erwin’s. Erwin reciprocates the kiss and hooks his arms around Levi’s waist to hold him close. Levi’s hands find their way to hold the sides of his face. Erwin can’t exactly feel Levi against him, but he reaches into the files of memories in his mind to imagine what it’s like.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Today's theme is the afterlife, so content warning for death.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Well,” Levi begins as he removes the tea bag from his mug. “It’s not like I can tell people the truth.”</p>
<p>Erwin laughs to himself. He cocks his head and looks at Levi. “You could always tell them, they’ll probably just think it’s just a joke.”</p>
<p>“Or that I’m certifiably nuts,” Levi brings the mug to his lips for his first sip of the day. “I think it’s better to just say I’m committed to being single for a while.” </p>
<p>Levi sits on the marble counter that Erwin had personally installed years before, and Erwin leans against the refrigerator that Levi had bought within the past year. Morning sunlight pours through the kitchen windows as Levi continues to sip his tea and Erwin watches on. </p>
<p>“Sucks I can’t really go out with you,” Levi sighs after a moment of comfortable silence between them. “I do save a ton on groceries though. I swear, my last boyfriend could eat enough for a family of four each day and he never paid me back for groceries.”</p>
<p>“We don’t have to introduce each other to our parents,” Erwin offers.  </p>
<p>“You’ve met my mom,” Levi replies. “Sort of. She’s been here while you’ve been here.”</p>
<p>“I’m always here,” Erwin tells him. </p>
<p>“Yeah, but...my mom’s always been kind of superstitious and spooky. She probably...sensed something was up,” he takes another sip of his tea. “Maybe next time she visits, she’ll bring her crystals with her. Really try to suss you out.”</p>
<p>“Well,” Erwin grins. “I hope her crystals only pick up good vibes from me. Or whatever they’re supposed to do.”</p>
<p>“Fuck if I know,” Levi sighs. He looks over at Erwin. His eyes travel from his presence to the wall behind the refrigerator. Levi furrows his brow and tilts his head. “Did you put up that wallpaper, or was that from the owner after you?”</p>
<p>Erwin turns around to look at it. “Oh, my wife put that up. She was going through a florals phase.” </p>
<p>“What was she like?” Levi asks. “You don’t talk about her much.”</p>
<p>Erwin crosses his arms and looks up at the ceiling. “Well, I loved her,” he says, after a moment. “Obviously, I married her. She was…<i>is</i> beautiful,” he stops himself for a moment and looks over at Levi. “Not as beautiful as you, of course.”</p>
<p>Levi laughs at that. “It’s fine, I don’t care that you think your ex-wife is hot.” </p>
<p>Erwin chuckles at that. He crosses the kitchen to stand next to Levi. Leaning against the counter, he purses his lips in thought. “She’s nice, loving, has a great sense of humor. Lights up a room,” Erwin looks over at him. “All the standard cliches, but it’s all true about her.”  </p>
<p>“Alright,” Levi nods. “So my exact opposite.” </p>
<p>“I think you’ve got a great sense of humor,” Erwin concedes. “I have a feeling she’s remarried though, so you don’t have to worry about any competition.” </p>
<p>“Good to know that you’ll respect someone else's marriage enough to not try to sensually make pottery with her.” </p>
<p>Erwin laughs, full-bellied and joyful. “Have we watched that movie together?” he asks.</p>
<p>“I feel like we can’t,” Levi says. “It would be too on the nose for us.”</p>
<p>“We might have to soon, if we run out of ideas for indoor dates.” </p>
<p>Levi smiles into his mug. “You know, if you give me her name, I can look her up,” he says. “Your ex-wife, that is. See what she’s up to if she really is married now,” a silence passes between them both. “Only if you want to know, of course.”  </p>
<p>Erwin bites his lower lip, deep in thought for a moment before answering. “I don’t know. I don’t think that would do me any good.” </p>
<p>Levi looks over at him apologetically, regretting he brought the suggestion up. He brings the mug up to his lips but stops. “You miss her.”</p>
<p>Erwin takes a pause to think. “I do,” he says. “But, I try not to dwell on it. I’ve got an eternity to think about that.”</p>
<p>Levi leans over to rest his head on Erwin’s shoulder. “I’ve never really considered what death must be like for the dead. I’ve always just assumed that it’s nothing. That it would feel like that moment right before you’re just about to fall asleep, that weird, liminal space where you’ve just forgotten that you’re even trying to fall asleep, and there are no dreams afterward,” he bites his tongue gently and uses the tip sticking out to lick his lower lip. “But I’ve never thought about what it must be like to be dead and still be conscious of life going on around you.”  </p>
<p>Erwin extends his arm out and wraps it around Levi. He grips his fingers against his shoulder, hoping his impact is gentle and loving against Levi’s skin. “Poetic,” he says, his voice a little teasing.</p>
<p>Levi playfully hits his shoulder, even though he knows he won’t feel it. “I’m having a moment, and your dumbass is ruining it for us.” </p>
<p>Erwin presses a quick kiss into Levi’s hair. “I just don’t want you to dwell on anything too deep or sad,” he says. “At least not this early in the morning.”</p>
<p>Levi leans in further against Erwin’s embrace. “I think the realtor should have included you in the listing,” he says, gliding his finger around the inner rim of his mug. “Cozy bungalow, sunny kitchen, comes free with a hot guy.”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure she was aware that I was still living here when she was advertising the place.”</p>
<p>“Eh, the living part is debatable,” Levi takes his last gulp of tea. “Though it’s probably for the best. Someone else could have snatched this house up before me if they knew it came with you.” </p>
<p>“Or it would have scared the other buyers off,” Erwin says. “Could have lowered the price for you.”</p>
<p>“Now that is a possibility that I don’t want to dwell on.”</p>
<p>Erwin laughs at that. He turns his position around to stand in front of Levi. He places his hands on the marble, next to where Levi’s thighs sit. </p>
<p>Levi reaches out and gently tugs on Erwin’s shirt, nudging him closer. He presses his lips against Erwin’s. Erwin reciprocates the kiss and hooks his arms around Levi’s waist to hold him close. Levi’s hands find their way to hold the sides of his face. Erwin can’t exactly feel Levi against him, but he reaches into the files of memories in his mind to imagine what it’s like. </p>
<p>They break apart their kiss and Levi leans his head forward to rest against Erwin’s. “I keep thinking that my lips are just going to pass right through you,” he says. “And they never do.”</p>
<p>“Horror movies don’t always represent us very accurately.” </p>
<p>“I’ll write up a memo about that for the Society for Ghost Representation in Media,” Levi says. “Give those scriptwriters a piece of my mind about what it’s really like to have a ghost for a boyfriend.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Thank you, Levi</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Levi turns over and adjusts his position to lay his lower abdomen against the bed. Sitting up on his elbows, he arches his back to look at Erwin. </p><p>Erwin keeps his head laid on this pillow, but his eyes are transfixed on Levi. “You look remarkable in this candlelight,” he says. “If I had any sort of artistic talent, I would have loved to paint you.”</p><p>Levi draws tiny circles with his index finger on Erwin’s bare chest. “Your flattery is pretty useless at this point. I’ve already sworn my life to you and the Corps, and clearly, you’ve succeeded in getting me into bed,” he says, looking over at the stump that ends where Erwin’s right arm used to begin.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Pre-Chapter 82. If we were still back on ff.net, I'd categorize this as "hurt/comfort."</p><p>Content warnings: Sexually suggestive content (nothing too spicy), feelings of imminent death.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sensation of sweat on their skin and the sounds of heaving breaths still reside in the room. Levi turns and looks over at Erwin with a smirk on his lips and his gaze lidded. He sits up and leans over, pressing a kiss to Erwin’s lips. His right hand cups the side of Erwin’s face as they share their short and sweet kiss.</p><p>Levi lays back down with one arm bent at the elbow to rest the back of one hand on his forehead in a carefree manner. He looks over at Erwin again. “We’re not so bad for two old men,” he says.</p><p>“Levi, we aren’t that old.”</p><p>“We are for our jobs,” Levi mutters in response, looking up at the ceiling. He turns his attention back to look at Erwin. “If I were younger, I’d suggest we have another go at it, but my thighs are killing me and I don’t think you have it in you.” </p><p>Erwin chuckles at that. “I suppose you’re right on that count.” </p><p>Levi turns over and adjusts his position to lay his lower abdomen against the bed. Sitting up on his elbows, he arches his back to look at Erwin. </p><p>Erwin keeps his head laid on this pillow, but his eyes are transfixed on Levi. “You look remarkable in this candlelight,” he says. “If I had any sort of artistic talent, I would have loved to paint you.”</p><p>Levi draws tiny circles with his index finger on Erwin’s bare chest. “Your flattery is pretty useless at this point. I’ve already sworn my life to you and the Corps, and clearly, you’ve succeeded in getting me into bed,” he says, looking over at the stump that ends where Erwin’s right arm used to begin. </p><p>“Some might say you’re the one who succeeded in getting me into bed,” Erwin says. “If I correctly recall, you were the one who made the first move.”</p><p>Levi exhales sharply and gives a brief laugh. “I only made the first move because I was tired of you dancing around it. I could tell you were staring at my ass when we first met.”  </p><p>Erwin gives him a toothy grin, and his hand finds its way to the nape of Levi’s neck. He rubs his thumb back and forth on the short, shaved hairs on the underside of his skull.  </p><p>Levi continues making the soft circles on Erwin’s skin. “To be fair, it wasn’t too hard for you to get me into bed,” he says. “I still kind of thought you were an ass, but luckily for you, you had your looks going for you.”</p><p>Erwin raises an eyebrow at that. “Are you saying you no longer find me to be an ass?”</p><p>“Maybe you’ve clouded my judgment,” he replies. “But you’re not as much of an ass to me now.” </p><p>“Well you certainly gave me trouble at first,” Erwin says, his voice free of any malice that Levi might feel he deserves. </p><p>Levi lays down his cheek against the spot where Erwin’s left shoulder meets his chest. “You know I’d do anything for you now.” </p><p>“Oh, of course, I know that. I know better than anyone that you’ve come so far,” Erwin places his hand on Levi’s bare, outer hip. “We both have,” he says, looking at him. “The entire Corps has. The people of the Walls have. We’re truly about to make history together.” </p><p>Levi feels his stomach sink. He knows they have to do this. It’s their entire lives’ work, <i>it's what Erwin's father's life was for</i>. It’s the culmination of everything Erwin has planned for, agonized over, and suffered for. He just knows that it won’t end well, and he’s afraid it will end worse for Erwin than it does for him. </p><p>A quiet silence passes between them. Levi hears the crackle of flames in the fireplace and Erwin’s heart beating against his chest. He feels his breath fall in sync with Erwin’s as they lay together. </p><p>Erwin’s hand gives his hip an affectionate squeeze. “Thank you, Levi,” he says, breaking the silence. </p><p>Levi sits up at that. He looks at Erwin, eyes weary with exhaustion and love. He places his hand against Erwin’s cheek, hooking his thumb behind his ear. “Don’t say that, not yet.” </p><p>“I’m not thanking you for your work or your sacrifices,” Erwin’s eyes glisten in the low light provided by the light of the candlestick on the nightstand. “Thank you for being with me.”</p><p>Levi turns his gaze away from Erwin, trying to focus his attention on the flames across the room. </p><p>“Thank you for making me so happy,” he hears Erwin’s voice say.</p><p>Levi turns back to face him. He sees the corners of Erwin’s lip turn upwards slightly, and he feels himself fall in love with that devastatingly handsome face once again. Levi gently rubs a hand on Erwin’s right shoulder. “You’ll get to thank me for that again later,” Levi tells him. </p><p>Erwin moves his hand from Levi’s hip to the small of his back. Gently, he presses his palm against the curve of his spine to guide Levi closer to him. </p><p>Levi understands the physical suggestion and presses lips against Erwin’s. He parts his lips to let Erwin in. Lips move over and between other lips, tongues touch, and their fingers grip at each other’s skin. They almost reach the fervor they had for each other at the beginning of their evening when Levi breaks apart their kiss. </p><p>“I’m going to go wash up,” he tells Erwin as he sits up in the bed. “I know we have big plans for tomorrow, so I’ll be back soon to try to get some sleep in a proper bed for once.” </p><p>Before Levi can make his exit, Erwin grabs one of his hands and brings it up to his lips. He presses a kiss into Levi’s palm. It’s not a quick peck, it’s long and slow. He keeps his eyes open, looking straight at Levi. </p><p>Erwin lowers his hand and releases Levi’s. “I’ll wait up for you,” he says. </p><p>“I won’t be too long,” Levi tries to grin. “You need your sleep more than I do,” he finishes with the pit opening up in his stomach again. </p><p>Levi gets up from the bed, grabs a shirt of Erwin’s that’s far too big for his short frame. He wraps it around himself, inhaling the scent of him. When he enters Erwin’s washroom, he finally lets himself acknowledge the thought he’s been avoiding all night in the back of his mind: <i>this will be their last night together</i>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Liege</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Alright, where were we,” he says, looking at the powerpoint on the screen. “Right, yes, feudal lords and their vassals,” he turns his attention back to the students and notices that one of them has her hand raised. “Yes, Ymir?” </p><p>“Is he your boyfriend?”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“Mr. Ackerman,” she responds. </p><p>Mr. Smith looks down and adjusts the double rimmed glasses on his nose. “Ymir, I don’t think that’s an appropriate question for the class.”</p><p>“Oh, so you’re not denying it though?” A chorus of muffled laughs follows Ymir’s comment.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I gave Freckles Ymir the last name Fritz, because that's kind of all that works for her. </p><p>Day 7, the final prompt, "liege." I took a very liberal interpretation on this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mr. Smith is explaining the relationship called a “liege” between feudal lords and their vassals when Mr. Ackerman enters his classroom. “The office put your attendance records in my mailbox again,” Mr. Ackerman says, handing the manila folder to Mr. Smith. It’s a quick exchange between the two men, but it’s long enough for Mikasa to notice that her history teacher’s index finger lingers just a little too long on that of her English teacher when he grabs the folder from him. Mr. Smith is all smiles when he turns his attention back to the class. </p><p>“Alright, where were we,” he says, looking at the powerpoint on the screen. “Right, yes, feudal lords and their vassals,” he turns his attention back to the students and notices that one of them has her hand raised. “Yes, Ymir?” </p><p>“Is he your boyfriend?”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“Mr. Ackerman,” she responds. </p><p>Mr. Smith looks down and adjusts the double rimmed glasses on his nose. “Ymir, I don’t think that’s an appropriate question for the class.”</p><p>“Oh, so you’re not denying it though?” A chorus of muffled laughs follows Ymir’s comment. </p><p>“Ms. Fritz, if this behavior continues, I’ll have to write you up for a detention.” </p><p>Ymir does as she’s told, but Mikasa can see her trying to sneak glances at Historia to gauge if she’s impressed with her antics. </p><p>“Alright, students,” Mr. Smith says, calling the students’ attention back to history. “We’ll be working on a group project this week. You’ll be put into groups, each be assigned a role in the feudal system, and you’ll have to organize your fiefdom based on the liegances between members.”</p><p>A few students groan; Mikasa doesn’t verbalize her anguish like them, but she also does not appreciate group projects. Her mom always said she let other students take advantage of the fact that she was smart and quiet in these arrangements.</p><p>Mr. Smith groups the students into teams of 5. He places Mikasa in a group with Eren, Jean, Annie, and Bertholdt. Mikasa and Annie don’t get along so well, Jean always acts...odd around her, but Bertholdt seems nice enough and Mikasa is pleased to be with Eren. </p><p>The bell dismisses the students from the class period. As Mikasa places her notebook and pencil pouch into her backpack, she notices that Mr. Ackerman -- or as she normally calls him outside of school, Levi -- has entered the room once again. </p><p>...</p><p>Clarinet case in hand, Mikasa is sitting on the curb and waiting for the late bus, when she sees Levi’s car drive towards her. She watches as the silver sedan slows down. As Levi rolls down his window, Mikasa notices that Mr. Smith is sitting in the passenger seat. </p><p>“Do you want a ride?” Levi shouts to her. </p><p>The early March air chills her skin too much to justify waiting for the bus. Mikasa nods her head and gets up. As she walks towards the car, she hears Levi say “she’s my cousin, by the way,” to his passenger. </p><p>Mikasa opens the back right door of the car and sits herself down. As she buckles her seatbelt, she gives a polite hello to Mr. Smith. </p><p>“Oh, you’re in the band, Mikasa? That’s excellent,” Mr. Smith tells her, his head turned to the back, noticing her clarinet case. “I played the trumpet when I was in school. It’s definitely one of the better instruments to play when you only have one arm.” </p><p>Mikasa mumbles a reply of “oh, that’s cool,” feeling self-conscious of herself with an unrelated teacher in the car with her. She pulls out her phone and texts her mom to let her know that Levi is giving her a ride. </p><p>Mikasa looks up from her phone and notices the way Mr. Smith smiles at her cousin. It reminds her of how she smiled at Eren in a candid photo Armin took of them last autumn. </p><p>...</p><p>Mikasa tries to focus on their group work, but it’s hard to cooperate when one of the members of the team won’t talk to her. </p><p>She and Eren had a fight the night before. She got mad at something Floch said in the group chat, and Eren got all defensive. That was one of her least favorite things from the summer between the 8th and 9th grades -- Eren seemed to like hanging around Floch more than he did with Armin and Mikasa. </p><p>She chips away nervously at the black nail polish on her fingertips and tries to focus on Annie’s overview of their group dynamics. Jean is at the top as the king of their land, and Bertholdt is at the bottom as a lowly serf. Eren is the lord of their individual fiefdom. Mikasa is a knight, Annie a merchant, making them both lieges to Eren. As Annie points at her and Eren, explaining what they need to do for their project, Mikasa looks over at him, only to see that he won’t look back at her. She feels a queasy sensation well up in her stomach. Abruptly, she gets up. </p><p>“Uh, um…” she begins. “I have to pee.” She turns away from the group and walks towards Mr. Smith’s desk. </p><p>He’s clicking away at a personal laptop and not his school desktop. He turns his head to face Mikasa. “Whoops, let me just minimize this document,” he says. “It’s Friday’s test, can’t have anyone peeking at it.” </p><p>From the angle she’s standing at, Mikasa can see the desktop screen of the laptop. It’s a picture of Mr. Smith and Mr. Ackerman at what looks like a boardwalk on a lake. </p><p>“Is there something you need, Mikasa?” Mr. Smith asks her.</p><p>“Oh, uh,” Mikasa feels her cheeks warm with embarrassment. “Can I go to the bathroom?”</p><p>“I don’t know, <i>can</i> you?” He smiles. “I’m just kidding. Make sure you sign out by the chalkboard and grab a hall pass.”<br/>
...</p><p>“Can I eat lunch in your room today?” </p><p>Mikasa watches as her cousin turns in his swivel chair to acknowledge her presence. Levi isn’t always easy to read, but Mikasa can tell he’s feeling sympathetic by the look on his face. </p><p>“Alright,” he says. “But you have to tell me what’s up.”</p><p>Mikasa pulls a chair up to his desk and plops her bag on the ground next to it. She slumps down in the chair and buries her head in her arms against her desk. </p><p>“Eren isn’t talking to me right now,” Mikasa mumbles into her crossed arms. </p><p>She hears her cousin take a deep breath. “I have to say, I don’t envy you kids. This job makes me realize how much I <i>don’t</i> miss being a teenager.”</p><p>“Does it get better as you get older?” Mikasa asks without raising her head.</p><p>“It does, in a way,” he responds. “You don’t lose friends over stupid stuff. You figure out which bonds are the strongest, and who your real friends are.” Mikasa feels the gentle warmth of a hand on her upper arm. “I’m sure you and Eren will get through this. You guys have been friends since what, 3rd grade?” </p><p>With her chin still against the desk, Mikasa raises her head up to look at him. “Thanks,” she offers with the tiniest of smiles. Mikasa watches as he takes a bite out of his sandwich. “Is it weird that I’m one of your students?” she asks after a moment. </p><p>“Not really,” he responds. “You’re a good kid, which does make it better. Is it weird for you that I’m your teacher?”</p><p>Mikasa scrunches her lips to one side. “Kinda,” she answers. “It’s weird going from calling you Levi to ‘Mr. Ackerman’ in class.”</p><p>Levi smiles at that. “Well, you haven’t slipped up yet,” he says. “And if you do, it can’t be as bad as accidentally calling your teacher ‘Mom.’” </p><p>“Armin accidentally called Mr. Smith ‘Dad’ in class last week,” Mikasa says with a small smile. </p><p>Levi smirks. “I can’t say I blame him, Mr. Smith dresses like a 1998 Sears catalog that came to life.” </p><p>With her chin still resting against her forearms on the desk, Mikasa tilts her head a little to the side. “Do you like him?” </p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“Mr. Smith.” </p><p>Levi takes a deep breath through his nose. “Well, I feel like I can’t keep this from you much longer,” he frowns a little. “Seeing as I’m planning to bring him to Passover next month.”</p><p>Mikasa raises her head from her elbows and smiles brightly. “So, you do like him?!”</p><p>“Yes,” he finally admits. “And I hope he likes me too, seeing as he is my boyfriend.” </p><p>Keeping that smile on her face, Miksa unzips her bag and takes out the lunch tote she’s covered in pins from bands and comic books she likes. </p><p>Levi finishes another bite of his sandwich. “I have heard that your history class has been interested in finding out about our relationship. What’s up with that?”</p><p>“I dunno,” Mikasa begins. “It’s kind of weird to think of teachers as people, I guess?” </p><p>“‘As people?’ What else would we be, bears? Aliens?”</p><p>Mikasa giggles at that. “No, but like, as people who exist outside of school. It’s kind of like thinking about how your parents were once kids.” </p><p>“Oh, am I interrupting something?” </p><p>Mikasa turns around to see Mr. Smith standing in the doorway, holding a personal-sized lunch cooler in his hand. </p><p>Levi waves for him to come in. “It’s all good,” he says. “Mikasa knows. She kind of has to at this point.”</p><p>Mr. Smith makes his way further into the class. He pulls up a chair next to Mikasa and across from Levi. “Well, Mikasa, I hope I have your blessing to date your cousin,” he smiles at her. </p><p>Mikasa looks over at Levi. “You guys seem like you have a good bond,” she says. “I just hope my aunt approves of you.” </p><p>“Don’t worry,” Levi says. “She’s already doting on him like he’s her own son.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, that's all folks! Thanks for reading, and I hope Eruri Week 2020 has provided some fun in the dumpster year that is 2020. </p><p>Doxxing myself as garbage, I got the title from a line from the 2002 movie <i>Red Dragon</i>. The full quote is "I regret that it came to this, Will, but every game must have its ending," which, is a weirdly poetic thing to say when stabbing someone.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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